Dumbledore vs Gandalf

Just out of curiosity,  which of the two is your favorite?

 

Harry Potter and the Prophesy of Vagueness. My interpretation of the most important prophesy of the Potterverse

THE ONE WITH THE POWER TO VANQUISH THE DARK LORD APPROACHES. . . . BORN TO THOSE WHO HAVE THRICE DEFIED HIM, BORN AS THE SEVENTH MONTH DIES . . . AND THE DARK LORD WILL MARK HIM AS HIS EQUAL, BUT HE WILL HAVE POWER THE DARK LORD KNOWS NOT . . . AND EITHER MUST DIE AT THE HAND OF THE OTHER FOR NEITHER CAN LIVE WHILE THE OTHER SURVIVES. . . . THE ONE WITH THE POWER TO VANQUISH THE DARK LORD WILL BE BORN AS THE SEVENTH MONTH DIES. . . .” – Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, J.K. Rowling

Yes, today I will be discussing the topic that changed the game in the Potterverse – the prophesy.

When I first read the thing, I was too young to do anything but to interpret it as Dumbledore did. Much like Harry himself, I hadn’t grown out of the “Albus Dumbledore can do no wrong” stage of my life. As I grew older and read The Deathly Hallows, I began questioning everything I knew about the Potterverse and that includes the prophesy.

My only conclusion is that Lord Voldemort is an absolute idiot. I know that I might get Avada’d for my conclusion, but facts are facts.

Here’s how I think the prophesy could be interpreted if we examine it line by line.

The first line says: The one with the power to vanquish the dark lord approaches. Straightforward, right?

Wrong.

We’re only told that someone who has the power to defeat ‘the dark lord’ approaches. That doesn’t mean that the ‘vanquisher’ is willing or even able to kill the dark lord. If Voldemort had spared Lily Potter like he promised Snape or even disregarded the prophesy in its entirety, he would’ve prevented the whole vanquishing thing. I highly doubt that Lily is such a careless mother that she’d allow her son on the front lines against a tyrannical dark lord who had decades more experience than her son. Also, it is said ‘to vanquish the dark lord‘. Not ‘Voldemort’, ‘You Know Who’ or other title said psychopath had been bestowed with. When you consider that the prophesy indicates no year when the so called ‘vanquisher’ is to appear, then the prophesy can easily apply to any Dark Lord in Voldemort’s generation or onward.

Let’s examine the next line: Born to those that have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies. This is another line that seems clear at first, but hear me out on this. I have no doubts that as Aurors, Frank Longbottom and his wife Alice could’ve easily defied Voldemort three times.

The same cannot be said for the Potters.

I can suspend my disbelief that James Potter could’ve defied Voldemort three times. Even though he was unemployed (or so Pottermore claims), he was heavily involved with the Order of the Phoenix and since he was a Gryffindor, had no doubt been on the front lines of the battle.

But Lily?

She was a housewife. A pregnant one to boot. I highly doubt that James would allow his pregnant wife to battle anyone in her condition. I strongly suspect that she was only a researcher in the Order which means there was no way she could possibly defy Voldemort three times.

I can already hear people shouting: But she defied the Dark Lord when she married James and when she refused to step aside at Voldemort’s demand!

Yes.

These are the two real instances of defiance we can infer from the books. Here’s the thing. When she married James Potter, she defied more than just Voldemort. She defied every single pureblood that no doubt protested the marriage and the prophesy clearly states ‘defied HIM’, so such instances shouldn’t be counted. As for the not standing aside bit, well, that happened post prophesy and once again it says ‘DEFIED’ not ‘WILL DEFY’. With this, we only have just Dumbledore’s word and Voldemort’s choice that the Potters were eligible for the position. Every single fact points towards the Longbottoms.

Also ‘born as the seventh month dies’? Seventh month? I admit it’s a really cute reference to the whole seven is the most magical number theme, but seriously? The saying ‘the seventh month’ is about as clear as mud. Sure, if you take the Gregorian calendar, that’s obviously July, but there are more calendars than the one we use today to consider. So, who’s to say the seventh month of what calendar it is being referred to?

The next line is the clearest one of the lot: And the dark lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have the power the dark lord knows not. The mark is obviously the scar that Voldemort gave Harry, but ‘mark him as his equal’? Really? Since when was Harry equal to Voldemort? Sure, they had brother wands, but other than that? Voldemort was a genius wizard, one with enough power and experience to flatten Harry who as we see was a frankly sub par student in any subject but DADA. Also, what power could Harry possibly have that Voldemort doesn’t know about? Dumbledore and Rowling clearly sold us ‘love’ as the so called power and I can only roll my eyes at the cliche.

Seriously, the power of love and friendship defeating the enemy should be left to the cheesy anime that don’t know how to end better.

I would’ve picked the power of wands. Sure, Voldemort finds out about the phenomenon of brother wands and does the sensible thing – he exchanges wands with Lucius and the wand breaks. Later, Harry states that his wand shot the golden fire. So, it’s obvious that it’s not anything that Harry did. So, the only theory I can think of that the power he knows not is in fact the sentience that wands seem to have. I think that Harry was able to overpower Voldemort with Lucius’s wand is due to the fact that Voldemort wasn’t the owner of said wand, just like he was able to overpower Voldemort with The Elder Wand, because once again, Voldemort wasn’t the owner of the wand. A simple and clean explanation. Completely nothing to do with Harry.

Finally, there is the penultimate line: And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives.

We know how that was interpreted. Harry allows Voldie to kill him. Voldie dies via Death Stick. All is well.

Here’s the thing.

Either must die at the HAND of the other. The key word in this is: HAND. In the Potterverse, this meant that either Harry or Voldemort must kill the other, but there is a simpler way. After all, giving the Death Eaters the order to kill Harry and Harry dying via one of them could easily be considered dying at the hand of Voldemort even if the act itself is not done by him in person. In other words, Voldemort could’ve easily gotten rid of Harry by ordering one of his minions to do it.

So, to recap, I will give the solutions on how Voldemort could’ve won within the limits of the prophesy and therefore the reasons why he’s an idiot:

  • The simplest way is to disregard the prophesy. After all, even though Sybill Trelawney is Casandra Wablatsky’s descendant, she didn’t inherit her gift.
  • To pick Neville as the would be BWL. Remember, Neville’s parents were the ones that most definitely defied Voldemort and the Pre-OotP!Neville was weak as s**t. I have no doubts that he’d be even worse with the whole fame thing to deal with.
  • To stun Lily Potter instead of killing her. Reason 1: Harry wouldn’t be protected by Lily Potter’s ‘love’. Reason 2: In my eyes, Lily is a mama bear and even if Harry survived the Killing Curse, there would be NO way she’d allow her baby to fight Voldemort.
  • To order any of his Death Eaters to kill Harry. Seriously, Voldemort was too possessive and single minded for his own good.

So, there you have it. My interpretation of the prophesy that ruined Harry’s life.

The new Pottermore: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Nowadays, Pottermore is a serious topic of discussion. After its big overhaul and complete makeover, Pottermore became so much more and so less than it used to be.

I tried to love the new Pottermore, I really did.

My efforts, however, proved to be in vain, because the more I visit it, the more I grieve the wonderful site it used to be. Of course, the new Pottermore isn’t all bad – believe me it could’ve been worse, however, the ugly parts are definitely in the forefront of this sad and confused site that is the shadow of its former self.

In my article, I’ll discuss the Good, the Bad and the Ugly of the new Pottermore.

Please note, that this is a personal opinion.

Without further ado, I start with the more optimistic side of this discussion:

The Good:

The availability of the site. While the site’s design is questionable at best, you can’t deny that the fact that you can reach  the site from any device is a good thing. This way, a larger audience – one that might prefer tablets or phones over PCs – is being drawn into Pottermore.

The wand, House and Patronus selections. It’s nice to see that the developers are listening to the complaints of the site’s users. Indeed, it is good that you can log into your new account, get a wand and get sorted not only to your Hogwarts house, but to an Ilvermorny house as well. I also adore the Patronus feature. It is the one feature that is exclusive to the new Pottermore that people have wanted since forever and now it’s here – brand new and super gorgeous.

Alas, with those minor good things in Pottermore, we have even more bad ones. So, here it is, ladies and gents. The list of:

The Bad:

Oh boy, where to start. There are so many things bad with this site that it’s just hard to pick. Okay, I’ll start with the first thing that comes to mind – the fact that the “Writings by JK Rowling” section is a complete mess. Sure, it will display the few articles that Rowling had written about since the site’s remodeling, but if you want any older content – it’s not there. Believe me, sometimes I want to revisit the Celestina Warbeck article and listen to “You stole my Cauldron” one more time, but I can’t. I have to click the discover button to search for her.

What?

Instead of a simple click to the “Writings by JK Rowling” and searching for Celestina’s article, I have to rely on the search bar to find what I want. You’ve got to be kidding me. Here is another of my Peeves – the search bar itself. Would it really be so hard to  add some sort of filtering system? Celestina is pretty easy to find, but let’s just say I try to type “Harry Potter” and I get this:

EXPLORE THE STORY

Family ties in Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

And that’s just the EXPLORE THE STORY part of the search results. All I wanted was an article on Harry friggin’ Potter. Please allow me to exclude things from the search to make my life easier. Also, the titles of the search results are misleading at best. Let’s go with the “Harry Potter” example. When I click on the link, I expect to see some sort of basic info and an article (or a collection of articles) on Harry Potter by JK Rowling. What I get is film stills, posts like “8 adorable Harry and Ginny moments”, quotes from the book and maybe if I’m lucky a link to the info on the Potter family or broomsticks or whatever articles that have nothing to do with Harry himself (although they can still be a fun read). Search for minor characters seems to be far simpler and the results far more accurate. Here’s another bad thing. Articles like the mentioned “8 adorable Harry and Ginny moments”. They are opinion pieces that are better left in the blog of whoever the “Pottermore Correspondent” is, instead of an official Harry Potter site that’s meant to enrich and expand the universe millions around the world have grown to love. The last bad thing I’ll mention is the lack of interactive elements. Where is the Potions brewing, spell casting? Where is the commenting feature that made Pottermore so attractive? It’s not in the new Pottermore that’s for sure. A Death Eater did it? Frankly, I don’t care. I want them back. Also, what happened to the charming articles by Rita Skeeter and the classes such as Duelling and Potions? I’d also like them back please.

I could go on and on, but I believe there are far more things to say in:

The Ugly:

The site’s design. Tiles, really? Those might work for Windows tablet interface, but on Pottermore they’re just butt ugly and they take up space. They’re just taking the whole “metro” craze a bit too far. Speaking of ugly design choices, can someone explain the site’s unexplainable case of MPD? Back in the day, Potermore was a pleasure to navigate. Yes, the interracive elements were there, but they were both intertwined and separate to deliver one of the best site designs ever. This headcase of a site is a royal mess. What is it supposed to be, anyway? A merchandise selling hub? A cheap HP fan site? A place to expand the fandom? A way to promote upcoming movies and plays? It tries to be all that and fails. Miserably. It delivers inaccurate info *cough*Lavender Brown *cough*, ridiculous content (I mean honestly, who needs to know the ways Harry messed up the Dursleys’ day.) and fails to deliver new and fresh content from JK Rowling. It seems that everything the site stood for took a back seat for all the things I frankly don’t care about. I don’t care about the limited edition cover designs. I care about learning about the Black family. I don’t care about info on the Cursed Child, a play I will never see as it is not being performed in my country, but I’d like an article on Colin Creevy or an article explaining what happened to Sally-Anne Perks.

Please, is it too much to ask for the developers of the site to return to the drawing board? I’m not saying that the new Pottermore sucked entirely. They did some good things with it. There is potential. So why not take that potential and turn it into something magnificent? Why not return some things from the old Pottermore to improve the website? Please, Pottermore, I’m begging you. Fix yourself.

The Dark side of Albus Dumbledore

In the Harry Potter series, Albus Dumbledore is known as a brilliant mind, a mentor to Harry and an overall supporter for all that is good and great. He is also viewed the same way in the Harry Potter fandom. I was also in the ‘Dumbledore can do no evil’ camp firmly until I read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

To my horror, that view was firmly shattered only to never return.

In Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, there is a chapter called The Life and Les of Albus Dumbledore. In this chapter, we are given a letter written from Albus Dumbledore to Gellert Grindelwald, the Dark Lord that came before He-Whose-Nickname-Must-Be-Hyphenated and the one whom, according to his chocolate frog card, he had defeated.

The letter, which I will give below puts an entirely different perspective on the seemingly benevolent Headmaster of Hogwarts.

Gellert —

Your point about Wizard dominance being FOR THE MUGGLES’ OWN GOOD — this, I think, is the crucial point. Yes, we have been given power and yes, that power gives us the right to rule, but it also gives us responsibilities over the ruled. We must stress this point, it will be the foundation stone upon which we build. Where we are opposed, as we surely will be, this must be the basis of all our counterarguments. We seize control FOR THE GREATER GOOD. And from this it follows that where we meet resistance, we must use only the force that is necessary and no more. (This was your mistake at Durmstrang! But I do not complain, because if you had not been expelled, we would never have met.)

Albus – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, J.K. Rowilng

Now, this letter is horrifying by itself. It completely destroys the image projected by the earlier books – that Dumbledore had always been a supporter of the non magical. Apparently, it was not the case, as he plotted domination over muggles and muggle raised alongside one of the most twisted maniacs in all of HP universe history.

The deeper implications are far more horrifying than that. Apparently, Grindelwald didn’t know how to proceed with his agenda of world domination if the line “This was your mistake at Durmstrang!” was accurate. Also, this whole letter became the Dark Lord’s inspiration as we see that after this article Hermione remarks that “For the Greater Good” was Grindelwald’s slogan and was apparently on the entrance of Nurmengard (the prison Grindelwald built for his enemies).

Now, this would be bad enough if we didn’t remember the horrors that Gellert Grindelwald did. For those unaware, Gellert Grindelwald wasn’t just your run of the mill Dark Lord. In the HP universe, he was the reason for the entire World War II with Hitler as his front on the muggle side.

That’s right, Albus Dumbledore was the inspiration for a war that had claimed the lives of a whopping over 60 million people (according to wikipedia. To put it in perspective, it is about the same number as the population of Tokyo and Jakarta combined (according to this site). Also, this war gave us concentration camps, atomic bombs and other horrors that people have nightmares about. In my book, this makes any efforts of atonement Dumbledore attempted in later life completely cheap and meaningless. How does one atone for the lives WWII stole, for those lost in Auschwitz and camps similar to it? I am quite astonished that Harry even trusts Dumbledore after that. Didn’t he have some sort of history class after that or did they not study WWII at school?

I am further astonished by the frankly weak argument Hermione states in that very chapter:

“He changed, Harry, he changed! It’s as simple as that! Maybe he did believe these things when he was seventeen, but the whole of the rest of his life was devoted to fighting the Dark Arts! Dumbledore was the one who stopped Grindelwald, the one who always voted for Muggle protection and Muggle-born rights, who fought You-Know-Who from the start, and who died trying to bring him down!” — Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, J.K. Rowilng

The only thing I have to say to that is “Nice try, Hermione, but no dice.” I am frankly revolted at how Hermione was willing to brush off the horrendous acts that Dumbledore was responsible for and frankly, I am sick and tired of that attitude.

Albus Dumbledore fans, I beg of you wake up!

Albus Dumbledore is no hero!

Sure, he might dish out sage advice like it is his precious lemon drops, but the evidence is undoubtable!

And to anyone willing to follow Hermione’s example I have one thing to say to you: “I hope you enjoy your swim in denial.” Just please realize the magnitude of Dumbledore’s actions and don’t try to brush it off as a “youthful mistake”. Getting drunk in prom is a youthful mistake. Getting a silly tattoo is a youthful mistake. Writing letters that promote muggle subjugation “for the muggles’ own good” is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a youthful mistake.

Please understand, I didn’t intend to write this article as a Dubledore bashing article. I intended to change the minds of all of those clueless people who still think that Dumbledore is the personification of good.

5 Villains that I honestly hated

A while ago, I wrote an article about the bad guys I honestly enjoyed watching on the big screen. After watching Suicide Squad and thinking a lot, I’ve decided to write about the villains I actually hated. Whether by bad acting by actors, or by the evil actions of the characters themselves, these top 5 people have earned my eternal enmity. Please note that these ten villains are taken from both movies and TV shows. Cartoon, anime, comic, manga or other characters are not on this list.

That said; allow me to introduce the first entry at

5. Macklyn Warlow/Ben Flynn (True Blood):

I actually had mixed views about this show. It was great about four seasons or so and then two villains, both of these that are on this list came and ruined it. One of these was Warlow. Can you please explain what his purpose in the show was again? Frankly, I have zero clue. Sure, at the beginning, back when he was still mysterious and all that, he was kinda cool. When we got to the part where we see him on screen, my only thought was an unamused ‘what?’

He was the bad guy, right?

Then what the hell was up with his saving people for Sookie kick? I think he actually forgot that he was supposed to be evil. He was not supposed to be like ‘Sookie tie me up so I wouldn’t hurt people’ and shit. No. Just no. Hurting people is in the bad guy description. This guy was about as evil as a wet paper towel. The only evil thing he did was kill off Niall’s tribe and even that could be chalked up to a young vampire among fairies. By the end of his run on the once good True Blood series, I was frankly pissed off.

I expected to see a bad ass villain in the shape of a vampire/fairy hybrid.

Heck, Vampire Diaries managed to succeed when it gave us Klaus.

So, what the hell, True Blood?

Now, before I start ranting even more, I give you the next entry on this list.

4. Billith (True Blood):

This is the second villain that ruined the True Blood TV series for me. I can admit that I was never a fan of Bill Compton, but he was getting better. He was finally recovering from being pussy whipped by Sookie and becoming someone I might actually like as a character.

Then Billith came.

Season 5 ended almost perfectly for me. Spoilers to anyone who has still not seen that episode, but Bill got killed off. Did he stay dead?

No.

Wait, what?

No really.

What?!

I thought the rules of being a vampire are simple. An eternity with the possibility of getting the True Death as in you get killed and it’s curtains for you. No second chance in life. No reboot. That’s why it’s called the True Death for God’s sake!

Neither the TB universe nor the books they were based on even mention that if you take some weird ass blood, the normal rules of True Death do not apply.

I don’t care that it’s supposed to be the blood of an insanely old vampire.

Godric was old and he didn’t rise from a pile of ash when he met the sun.

Including weird ass shit like Lilith and her hallucinogen blood is not a good thing.

It’s lazy writing. It shows that the creators of the series were completely out of ideas and couldn’t think of anything better.

I mean the first vampire, yes okay, I suppose I could suspend my disbelief for that.

After all, vampires had to come from somewhere.

I can also suspend my disbelief at vampires being created by God given the theme of vampires vs religion throughout the series.

But Billith?

Seriously?!

I watched Billith and my promise to at least tolerate Bill Compton died a quick death after living a short and unsatisfying life.

The next entry is

3. John Gilbert (Vampire Diaries):

This show had its own share of villains, but none pissed me off more than Elena’s father did. Considering the fact that the show gave us Klaus, Damon, Katherine and whoever that hunter guy from season 4 was, it’s a true accomplishment.

This enmity had absolutely nothing to do how John was written.

In fact, the creators did an amazing job with him.

The fact that he’s human is an icing on the cake. It means that he’s so shrewd that even Damon, the badass 100+ year old vampire feels like he’s a major threat.

What earned my complete enmity was the killing of Pearl and Anna.

Now in case you don’t know, during John’s tenure as the big bad, vampires that were sealed in a tomb near Mystic Falls were released. Amongst them were two that endeared themselves to me from their first appearance Pearl and her daughter Anna. They were just people that wanted to lead a peaceful life despite being vampires. Pearl even took up the mantle of leader of the tomb vampires to make sure they don’t go batshit insane and start a murder spree in Mystic Falls.

Then John Gilbert killed them both not only killing the only sane vampire amongst the rest of the tomb vampires, but also his nephew’s girlfriend.

Dick move, dude. Dick move.

  1. Amanda Waller (Suicide Squad):

Now, before people start hating on me, hear me out. Yes, I did watch Suicide Squad. Yes, I liked it. And yes, I did refer to Amanda Waller as a villain.

Amongst people like Harley Quinn, The Joker, Deadshot, Killer Croc and the others how in seven hells could an ordinary woman be a villain.

Let’s take a look at her actions, shall we?

  • She released crazy characters from behind bars;
  • She was happy when Rick Flag fell in love with a woman that was possessed by a crazy witch, because then she’d be easier to control;
  • She watched cooly as Deadshot nearly well…shot his guard when it was obvious that the thing was loaded with actual bullets.
  • She didn’t try to help Doctor Moone, a woman who was obviously terrified of her transformations. Instead, she chose the poor woman to be used as a weapon;
  • She didn’t feel any remorse whenever she stabbed The Enchantress’s heart, when it was obvious that Doctor Moone shared the pain The Enchantress felt whenever the said heart was stabbed;
  • She promised freedom and other rewards to the Suicide Squad for risking their asses. She didn’t keep her word. I mean honestly. Ten year off the prison sentence for nearly dying. Gee, thanks, lady!

It’s not the superpowers that make the villain. It’s the actions. And boy, these actions, when you take into consideration how strangely relatable the Suicide Squad members were to me, were simply unforgivable.


1. Now, this one was a tie between Lord Voldemort, Dolores Umbridge and Fenrir Grayback (Harry Potter):

Take your pick between a twisted Dark Lord so evil that people were afraid to say his name, a crazy Blood Quill loving bitch with a penchant to write cruel and unusual laws towards werewolves and call centaurs ‘half breeds’ of ‘near-human intelligence’ and a werewolf that got so used to the taste of blood that once a month isn’t enough for him.

For me all three of them were creeps who should’ve been chucked into the darkest cell Azkaban had to offer.

So, there you have it.

My list of top 5 vilains that I hated.

 

My thoughts on Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone

After feeling nostalgic enough to read Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone again, I decided to share the list of thoughts that came to me while reading the book:
So, here they are:

  1. At the start of the book Dumbledore comments that he’d passed a lot of parties to celebrate Voldemort’s downfall. Here’s the kicker: the attack on Godric’s Hollow happened on Halloween aka the night previous the parties. This begs the question: just how the heck did news of Voldemort’s downfall spread so soon and who was the source of said news?
  2. Speaking of Voldie’s end, how did people find out that it was the killing curse that Harry was hit with? I doubt Hagrid took Harry to St Mungo’s as he was quite willing to pry Harry out of Sirius’ hands to deliver Harry to Dumbledore as he was ordered.
  3. During Harry’s time with the Dursleys, where were the police, child services and medics (magical and not)? I doubt Harry’s placement at the Dursleys’ was legal, considering Harry was just dumped there like a bottle of milk. Also, Harry should be pretty messed up from his life at the Dursleys, surely anyone would notice. Right?
  4. Why the heck the Dursleys spoiled Dudley to the point of him not being satisfied with 36 presents? For all his inconsiderate actions towards his nephew Vernon Dursley is a director at a company, therefore, a businessman. Unless he was as ignorant and useless as Cornelius Fudge, he must’ve considered how unbeneficial such a child could be to his reputation.
  5. Speaking of Dudley, how did the delinquent manage to avoid being expelled with his poor math skills?
  6. When did Dumbledore plant Mrs Figg at Privet Drive and why? As far as the world was concerned, Voldie was gone and Dumbledore was so sure of his blood wards that he didn’t visit Harry once at the Dursleys prior Hogwarts.
  7. Is Mrs Figg really so senile that she didn’t notice the signs of abuse on Harry?
  8. Did Vernon really worry more about his car than leaving a minor unattended in said car?
  9. Could Harry be a metamorphmagus? Or did Harry’s hair grow back due to accidental magic?
  10. Why is Harry so mediocre in subjects that aren’t DADA or flying if his accidental magic was powerful enough for an apparition (or brief flight) when he was found on a school roof?
  11. Why didn’t Harry notice that he was the only one to understand the Brazilian boa in the zoo?
  12. Where do vanished things go? Do they get destroyed or merely relocated to a destination where they’re kept for future use?
  13. Did Vernon encourage Dudley to cane Harry for trying to take his Hogwarts letter? If so, his confusion over Wood is understandable.
  14. How are Hogwarts letters written? Does anyone monitor the addresses on them?
  15. Does Hogwarts send more than one letter to every muggleborn/raised kid or is Harry a special case?
  16. Why didn’t Harry receive letters from one of the other wizarding schools? One would think that Karkaroff at least wouldn’t pass up a chance of having the BWL as a student.
  17. Why does Harry still trust Hagrid after he heard that Hagrid was the one to bring him to the Dursleys?
  18. Why was Hagrid (of all people) sent to introduce Harry to magic? At the time, Harry wasn’t a teacher. He was a gamekeeper. So why?
  19. As far as I know, muggle baiting is illegal, so why did Hagrid get away with attaching a pig tail on Dudley?
  20. What’s the punishment for practising magic after being expelled? It can’t be huge or Hagrid would’ve been in serious trouble the moment he conjured the first fireball.
  21. Why is Harry so ignorant about the reasons for not telling people about magic? His relatives are the Dursleys after all.
  22. Is Tom the Bartender implying that Hagrid frequents the Leaky Cauldron for drinks? Maybe Malfoy’s comments in Madame Malkin’s weren’t so far off the truth?
  23. Mobbing people is not acceptable. No matter what.
  24. Why the hell was Hagrid grinning when Harry was nearly mauled by those sharks *cough*adoring public*cough*?
  25. Why did Dumbledore allow Quirrell to return to teach if he was such a ‘coward’?
  26. Why did Hagrid have Harry’s vault key?
  27. Why did Hagrid spoke about the letter from Dumbledore to Gringotts in front of Harry?
  28. Why didn’t Harry wonder why he didn’t get any statements from the bank about his finances?
  29. If the Potters are supposedly an old wizarding family, then is that vault the extent of their riches? Where are the jewelry, deeds to estates or other valuables?
  30. Was Hagrid put in charge of Harry to spread Gryffindor propaganda? His comments on Hufflepuff and Slytherin suggest such a thing.
  31. Why are wands necessary? Accidental magic happens wandlessly after all.
  32. Is Harry fluent in troll language, because he understands uncle Vernon’s grunting?
  33. How can Harry go to a school he knows next to nothing about at that point?
  34. Why is Molly Weasley shouting about platform 9 and ¾ for in broad daylight?
  35. Wouldn’t it be safer to walk up to the platform instead of running? Especially, when you’re muggle raised and it’s your first time?
  36. Molly favors Percy by buying him an owl instead of buying Ron a wand, as in, something he’ll need for the rest of his life as a wizard. She also encourages Fred & George’s pranking by giving them ideas.
  37. Ginny is a total fangirl. I don’t care if Harry is the savior of the wizarding world or the universe. You do not goggle at him like he’s a piece of meat.
  38. Is the Hogwarts Express really ever full? If there’s such a thing as Extension Charms, then the idea of a train being full seems a bit ridiculous.
  39. The acceptance letter said: cat, owl or toad for a pet. Tarantulas and rats are not on the list.
  40. Ron is a tactless douche. You do not ask a guy to see his scar from a traumatic event nor about said traumatic event on the first train ride.
  41. Ron has an inferiority complex.
  42. How many wands can one wizard use if Ron got ‘Charlie’s old wand’? Do they need replacing somewhere down the line?
  43. Why did Fred & George never notice Peter Pettigrew on the Marauders’ Map next to their little brother?
  44. Why are people afraid to say Voldie’s alias? After all, at the time, Voldie was a disembodied spirit.
  45. Why would any sane person risk eating Bertie Bott’s every flavour beans, if said beans mean every flavour under the sun?
  46. Why did Ron believe his twin brothers, who are notorious pranksters, about a spell?
  47. When is the Trace activated if Hermione practised spells before her first year? Also, how good is her memory to know books by heart?
  48. Isn’t it dangerous to use a wand if the unicorn hair is poking out?
  49. Is it a tradition not to tell kids about the Sorting in advance?
  50. Does the Sorting Hat use legilimency on students? Is that legal? What prevents it from opening its brim and spilling secrets about the kids it’s sorted?
  51. If the Sorting Hat can be swayed by a kid’s pleading, then who else is sorted in the wrong House?
  52. Seamus is lucky that his father wasn’t a bigot. His mum was a right bitch to keep such a secret from Mr Finnegan until the wedding.
  53. Neville was also an abuse victim, only his abusers did it to bring out his magic instead of trying to suppress it like the Dursleys.
  54. Did Snape use legilimency on Harry?
  55. Dumbledore basically ensured that any curious, rebellious or playing truth and dare kids would go to the third corridor.
  56. Ron is lucky that Pettigrew isn’t a paedophile. Still, keeping a rat with you in bed is creepy.
  57. Why weren’t Filch and Binns fired and (in the latter’s case) exorcised already?
  58. Lessons with a stuttering and reeking of garlic professor must be hell.
  59. Why does Snape hate Harry from the first meeting? Did he see something in Harry’s head that he didn’t like?
  60. Are the questions Snape asked in the first class first year level and if so, how far in the book are they?
  61. Why are they brewing potions without theory lessons? Maybe if they had even a single lesson on theory, then Neville wouldn’t have messed up the Cure for Boils.
  62. Since when is Harry is Neville’s keeper? Harry was busy with his own potion to supervise Neville’s
  63. Hagrid sucks at diverting conversations from unpleasant topics.
  64. Before the flying class, kids brag about how they broke the Statute of Secrecy. Besides, nearly hitting a hang glider means you’re a crappy flier.
  65. Neville’s family, aside from being child abusers, are a bunch of dicks for sending the Rememberall. Also, are they meant to be used like that?
  66. Did Hooch leave a bunch of kids from rival houses unsupervised?
  67. Harry is rewarded for rule breaking. Also, professor McGonagall breaks the no broomstick rule.
  68. Did Ron agree to a duel for Harry?
  69. The Fat Lady, while amusing and interesting, sucks at her duties as the Gryffindor Tower protector.
  70. Harry and Ron didn’t consider the ‘midnight in the trophy room’ duel as a way for Malfoy to get them expelled.
  71. Hermione needs to sort out her priorities. Hermione dear, expulsion isn’t worse than dying.
  72. Since when is Harry eager for adventure? Back at the Dursleys’ he had working self-preservation instincts, then they short-circuit once at the wizarding world?! Seriously, what the hell?!
  73. Did Flitwick make up the buffalo incident or was anyone actually stupid enough to do it?
  74. Ron’s an insensitive dick to Hermione, when she only meant well.
  75. Was Dumbledore trying to get the Slytherins killed? Their dorms are in the dungeons!
  76. Why were only five points taken off for the troll incident?
  77. Why were Harry and Ron awarded for the troll, when they should’ve been given detentions for disobeying the teachers and endangering their lives?
  78. I didn’t know Harry was in the running for President! Wasn’t it only a quidditch match? Still, it was such a lovely banner.
  79. Did Wood imply he’d get violent if the Gryffs lost the game?
  80. Why was Lee Jordan allowed to comment on the game if he needed supervision and censoring?
  81. Why is a Seeker even necessary for quidditch? Unless they catch the snitch, they’re about as useful as tits on a boar!
  82. Did Hermione just try to kill Snape?
  83. Do wizards exercise? At all? If they’re so lazy that even their chess pieces move on their own, then I guess not.
  84. Harry accepts a gift with no signature.
  85. Why is the Mirror of Erised at Hogwarts? In a school full of impressionable children? How did it know how Harry’s family looked like when Harry had never seen them, therefore, couldn’t even imagine them?
  86. Ron’s deepest desire makes his inferiority complex obvious.
  87. Why Harry wasn’t punished for being out-of-bounds at night?
  88. Why did Dumbledore appoint a biased referee to a sports event?
  89. Did Harry laugh at Neville being bullied after a lifetime of Dursley style abuse?
  90. Hagrid decided to endanger students with his pet dragon.
  91. Harry and Hermione finally get punished, but not for their bigger offense.
  92. The ‘I’ve never heard of such a thing’ and ‘I’ve never been more ashamed of Gryffindor students’ is a bit rich when coming from the woman who had to deal with the Weasley twins and the Marauders.
  93. Since when is shunning a person for losing points is okay?
  94. Getting a detention late at night for being out at night is not only counterproductive, but also ridiculous.
  95. Unless there was a full moon that night, the company shouldn’t have had any encounters with werewolves. Basically, Malfoy was being a cowardly little bitch.
  96. In their own way, the centaurs warned Harry about the war. After all, Mars is the Roman god of War. Furthermore, the innocents are the first victims line can mean either the dead unicorn or Cedric Diggory, who was the first innocent victim after Voldie’s resurrection.
  97. Why did Hagrid decide to pair Neville with Malfoy in the first place?
  98. Firenze’s explanation on unicorn blood and its properties is too vague. What exactly is a half-life and how did it influence Voldemort?
  99. Harry was given nightmares after the detention and absolutely zero therapy.
  100. Hagrid gave out crucial info to Voldemort. Why is he even allowed to drink if it loosens his tongue?
  101. Professor McGonagall disregards a valid threat to the school. For all her the House is your family tripe, she’s a crappy mother figure.
  102. Instead of going to a teacher who wasn’t a suspect with their concerns, the Trio decide to stalk Snape.
  103. Harry justifies a clear suicide wish with a noble speech of saving the school from Voldemort.
  104. After breaking so many rules, Hermione’s belief that her grades would prevent her from being expelled is unbearably arrogant.
  105. The Trio petrify the only sane person still awake in the Tower.
  106. The Trio jump on an unknown object that might kill them. Said object ends up being Devil’s Snare.
  107. The Stone is protected by first year level defences.
  108. Quirrell goes off in a cliché villain boast.
  109. Dimbledore’s mirror trick should’ve failed with Quirrell. He’s not after the Stone for himself, after all.
  110. Lying to Quirrellmort is pointless. The guy knows legilimency.
  111. Harry cares more about the Stone more than his life.
  112. How fast was the rumor mill or was Ron shooting his mouth off how the school was saved by Harry?
  113. How exactly did Dumbledore know when to arrive to save Harry? Also, are apparition and portkeys possible in that part of the castle, because I can’t see how else Dumbledore would’ve made it.
  114. Dumbledore should’ve answered Harry about why Voldie wants him dead.
  115. Actually, I think Dumbledore pulled the reason for Snape’s hatred for Harry out of his ass. I think the real reason is because James Potter got the woman Snape loved and their offspring looks like James and has Lily’s eyes.
  116. If Harry hates it at the Dursleys, why doesn’t he protest his placement there to Dumbledore?
  117. Dumbledore flips the Slytherins the proverbial finger by allowing the Gryffindors to steal their victory in the House Cup via blatant favoritism.
  118. Neville’s common sense and morals rate lower than the Trio’s idiotic bravery in Dumbledore’s eyes.
  119. At the end of the school year, Harry plots muggle baiting.

So, this is it. My thoughts on The Philosopher’s Stone.

Reasons why Boa Hancock shouldn’t join the Straw Hats

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I dare you to say she’s not cute…

Personally, Boa Hancock is one of my favorite characters in the One Piece anime and manga. Sure, she’s bratty and spoiled, but she’s also absolutely adorable around Luffy and naive to the point of frustration.

That being said, I suspect a disaster of epic proportions if she joined the Straw Hats pirates. I give below my reasoning:

  • Luffy would meet a shitty dog’s death via Sanji. The pervert was already furious with Luffy knowing the Pirate Empress. Luffy sharing the same boat as her would be no doubt more than he could handle especially if she started her ‘we’re married’ routine around him.
  • Speaking of Sanji, the pervert would lose far more blood than he could afford with Boa on the same boat.
  • The Staw Hats in general would be broke from having to buy medical suppies to maintain Sanji’s health.
  • Nami and Robin  would spend the rest of their journey as stone. It would happen merely by them being a mile radius near Luffy if her reaction towards learning that he had female members in his crew was any indication:
  • Zoro would be alright, I guess. He’d be defensive like he was with Robin for a while, but I guess he’d be alright with her on board. Eventually.
  • Brook would be turned to stone the moment he asked to see Boa Hancock’s panties.
  • Chopper would be overworked trying to heal everyone.
  • The World Government and the Marines would be pissed off and no doubt nuke Amazon Lily Buster Call style.

So, yeah.

Although I love Boa Hancock as a character it is far safer for her and the world if she remained a Shichibukai.

Seven movies or franchises where I rooted for the bad guy

Sometimes, the movie’s bad guys outdo their heroes. Whether by their skills, charisma or because you just have to pity them. I have compiled my own personal list of such movies. Feel free to disagree.

Let’s begin.

  • Twilight franchise: Every single bad guy in it.

 

What is the franchise about: To those people who had enough sanity to avoid the insanity that is the Twilight craze, I will tell a bit about these movies. In these movies Bella (played by K. Stewart) falls in love with an over one hundred year sparkly vampire named Edward (played by R. Pattinson). I’m not kidding. Vampires in this story sparkle. During their ‘love’ story they take down multiple villains, Bella gets suicidal after Edward leaves her then they hook up again get married and have a half vampire daughter named Renesmee. That’s it. It’s only redeeming quality is Edward’s adopted brother Jasper Cullen né Whitlock, who is the one of the few rounded characters in the series.

 

What caused me to make the choice: Well, to tell you the truth it was the so called heroine of the franchise that made the choice for me. How pathetic is the series when you want to see the main character becoming a buffet to any vampire she meets? We nearly get the chance in Twilight and in latter films, but alas she still lives.

 

  • Thor and Avengers franchises: Loki

 

What are the franchises about: The Thor franchise introduces the Norse gods to us. The Avengers picks up where Thor leaves and makes the titular protagonist group The Avengers fight Loki the God of Mischief and his army of Chitauri.

 

What caused me to make the choice: What’s not to like about Loki? He actually uses his brain over his brawn and has cool magic powers. In Thor he was given a back-story people can relate to and personally, throughout that movie I was torn between wanting to hug him and slap some sense into him. If people actually listened to him for once he’d make a kickass advisor as he sees the world so much clearer than Thor or anyone in Asgard (perhaps save for Frigga).

 

  • The X-men franchise: Magneto

 

What the franchise is about: this franchise is about mutants with cool powers and their relationship with humans. It’s got everything an aspiring fantasy fan could want and more.

 

What caused me to make the choice: Frankly, it was a tough call between Magneto and Major Stryker. Both of them are shrewd in their own way, but Magneto’s charisma, back story and the fact that there is a chance that the future of Mutants vs. Humans he envisions has a good chance of coming true won me over. His power of Magnetism is just the icing on the cake.

 

  • Fight Club: Tyler Durden

What the movie is about: A fight club started by the main character and his alter ego Tyler Durden. I was quite scptical when I watched it, but I loved it.

What caused me to make the choice: Sure, Tyler’s just a part of the main character, but he’s wild, sexy, charismatic and carefree. He’s the type of guy who doesn’t give a flying one about what people think of him.

 

  • The Home Alone franchise: Harry and Marv

 

What the franchise is about: this franchise is about a kid getting left home alone and defending himself from robbers.

 

What caused me to make the choice: Frankly, I felt sorry for those two. Getting beaten by a kid is nobody’s idea of a picnic, but Kevin (played by M. Culkin) makes Harry and Marv go through absolute hell and the more I watch these movies the sorrier I am for those two.

 

  • The Lord of the Rings franchise: Saruman

 

What this franchise is about: an idiotic hobbit finding a powerful magical artifact, keeping it and endangering all of Middle Earth, causing nine heroes to step up to save the day.

 

What caused me to make this choice: Although Saruman is not the main baddie in this franchise, he’d the one that really stands out. No offence to the Witch King or Sauron, but they got far less screen time and character development than needed to interest me. Plus their deaths were just so pathetic. And although Saruman is not quite as kickass in the movies as he is in the books, but his strategic genius and overall power is nothing to sneeze at.

 

  • Dracula (1992) aka Bram Stoker’s Dracula : Dracula

 

What the movie is about: It follows the story of Johnatan Harker as he entangles himself in a world of the supernatural. It is the best attempt to turn Bram Stoker’s Dracula  into a movie.

 

What caused me to make the choice: Garry Oldman’s performance as Dracula, of course! He mixes the kindness and ruthlessness that anyone who had read Dracula would recognize and makes it into an art form. Seriously, by the end you start to feel sorry for Dracula.

 

 

Why Eowyn is my favourite character…

The Lord of the Rings is one of those book series which you either like or you love. It has everything an aspiring fantasy fanboy/fangirl needs: it is action packed, it has magic and beautifully written characters, great history and (of course) anything from Orcs to Hobbits. You could read it several times and still find something exciting and new about it.

However, like any book series, you can’t read The Lord of the Rings without developing a fondness for one or another character. Some admire Gandalf, others like Arwen, Aragorn or Legolas.

While all of them are great in their own right, my all time favourite amongst the LOTR characters is Eowyn.

In a world so saturated with magic that the trees talk, where something simple like a ring can bring about the end of all things, where women hide in fear and men do battle we have an interesting character like Eowyn.

At first sight she seems to be nothing special – just the daughter of a king with a crush for the main hero.

However, she doesn’t stay that way.

Unlike Arwen, who is the ‘epitome of awesomeness’ (note sarcasm here) and is as unchanging as a marble statue, Eowyn matures and develops throughout the series.

The first time she drew my attention is with this conversation she had with Aragorn:

‘Too often have I heard of duty,’ she cried. ‘But am I not of the House of Eorl, a shieldmaiden and not a dry-nurse? I have waited on faltering feet long enough. Since they falter no longer, it seems, may I not now spend my life as I will?’

‘Few may do that with honour,’ he answered. ‘But as for you, lady: did you not accept the charge to govern the people until their lord’s return? If you had not been chosen, then some marshal or captain would have been set in the same place, and he could not ride away from his charge, were he weary of it or no.’

‘Shall I always be chosen?’ she said bitterly. ‘Shall I always be left behind when the Riders depart, to mind the house while they win renown, and find food and beds when they return?’

‘A time may come soon,’ said he, ‘when none will return. Then there will be need of valour without renown, for none shall remember the deeds that are done in the last defence of your homes. Yet the deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.’

And she answered: ‘All your words are but to say: you are a woman, and your part is in the house. But when the men have died in battle and honour, you have leave to be burned in the house, for the men will need it no more. But I am of the House of Eorl and not a serving-woman. I can ride and wield blade, and I do not fear either pain or death.’

‘What do you fear, lady?’ he asked.

‘A cage,’ she said. ‘To stay behind bars, until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire.’- J. R. R. Tolkien The Return of the King

This piece tells us so much about what kind of person she is. She’s not a fragile maiden waiting for someone to rescue her. No. She’s the type of person who would be the one doing the rescuing.

And in Middle-Earth that is a rare thing. A diamond in a pig trough kind of rare.

In Middle-Earth, most women we see are either hiding, using magic to defeat enemies or give out infinite wisdom *cough*Galadriel*cough*.

All of them are graceful, beautiful and soft in a feminine type of way.

Eowyn is the Middle-Earth version of a tomboy. She desires what is usually availlable for men in Middle-Earth: glory, fame, to not die of old age whilst being left behind to rot far away from battle when she could be out there kicking ass.

She managed to take down a freaking Nazgul when even Gandalf failed. While dressed as a man.

Which other lady of Middle-Earth had the balls (pun fully intended) to do something like that? After all it was said that the Witch King could be defeated by no man.

Women could kick his ass just fine.

And Eowyn did kick his ass. In style.

Oh, and that little banter with the Witch King before she did was absolutely priceless:

‘Hinder me? Thou fool. No living man may hinder me!’

Then Merry heard of all sounds in that hour the strangest. It seemed that Dernhelm laughed, and the clear voice was like the ring of steel. ‘But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Eowyn I am, Eomund’s daughter. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him.’- J. R. R. Tolkien The Return of the King

This is why for me Eowyn is such an awesome character even if I wish that she was around more than she was. Tolkien even managed to find her a happy ending with Faramir. She definitely deserved it.

 

The book series that left me wanting for a better ending

Sometimes, book authors do the right thing and quit while they’re ahead. Others, well… they leave us high, dry and sadly disappointed by the book ending.

One of these unfortunate people was Charlaine Harris.

That’s correct.

The series is her Southern Vampire Mysteries.

I’ve read the thirteen books and I was cursing myself for not stopping at Dead and Gone aka the ninth book of the series. Before the tenth book Dead in the Family, the series while not perfect was bearable.

Then Dead in the Family came and I was bemused. Sure, there were a lot of interesting things in it, like Sookie dealing with her post Lochlan and Naeve trauma, the introduction of Bill’s vamp sister and Eric’s backstory.

The rest was meh at best.

In my opinion, Alexei Romanov was introduced into the story only as a plot device and one of the catalysts of the future Sookie and Eric backstory.

Eric’s maker Appius was a vile bastard that should’ve been staked a long while ago.

However, while Dead in the Family was semi-ok, the next book was worse. While DitF had its moments, Dead Reckoning had a big fat nothing going for it. We learn that Dermot is not the bad guy. Other than that nothing else changes.

Claude is still a creep with a gorgeous body.

Sookie and Eric’s relationship starts to deteriorate.

Bill still doing the ‘I still love you Sookieh’ routine made me want to sharpen a stake and ram it up his sorely pussy whipped ass.

His TV version had more sense before the whole Billith stint (and I can’t believe I’m saying this).

The less said about this book, the better.

Hopefully, it will get better. Right? Right?!

Sorry, no dice.

Deadlocked came and I really wanted to curl up and cry.

I really did.

This book only continued the cluster fuck we were shown in the previous book.

Victor Madden was finally dead (whoopee shit!) and his boss finally got off his ass and crawled out of Vegas to investigate.

The problem with this is that I no longer give a flying one whether Sookie makes it or not. This made the whole situation boring to say the least.

The cluviel dor (aka the story’s Deus ex Machina) had potential. It really did. Sookie could’ve fixed all her problems with the thing and she used it to revive Sam Merlote aka the guy who’s her boss and the one guy she showed little to no interest in throughout the entire series. The sad part is that it worked. The object that allegedly worked only if the user loves the one (s)he intended to use the object on, worked on Sam Merlotte.

Huh?

Now that is a mystery.

Hopefully, we’ll get an explanation on this in the next book.

Right?

Right?!

Nope. Sorry.

Dead Ever After sums up my entire feelings on the series after reading this…piece of…work.

Can anyone explain to me what happened?

Why did a series about a telepath, werewolves and fucking vampires ended up being so jam packed with any supernatural being under the sun and plots so uninteresting that it makes you want to bang your head in an attempt to erase any evidence of having read the book?

Back in Living Dead in Dallas when the maenad was introduced it was short and sweet, but in this rag Harris seriously sees the end of the series and attempts to stuff anything and everything in it before giving the anti-climactic and unrealistic ending.

That is gross.

‘Voldemort in a tutu and singing I feel pretty’ gross.

Reading this book from back to cover made me want to take an extra-long shower and drown myself in chocolate.

My advice to people wanting to read this series is this: read up until Dead and Gone and then invent your own continuation of the series.

It will be far less traumatizing.